Theramore's Whimper

Theramore's Fall is live and what a load of crap that was!

12 million paying accounts per month (10-15$ a month) and this is the best the design team could come up with? The 4th graders that I teach every day could have come up with a more compelling storyline than this asinine excuse of a scenario.

Following this line are spoilers (lol, yeah... whatever).


Mmo-Champion proudly proclaimed "THERAMORE'S FALL IS LIVE!" on their homepage when I got home from work and I logged in instantly.

Excitedly.

Foolishly.

The high point of this whole event was the login process that asked me for my authenticator.

Upon logging in I flew around Orgrimmar looking for an exclamation mark on my minimap that would guide me towards the attack upon Theramore - knowledge which I gleamed by metagaming and knowing Theramore gets blown up.  More importantly, I was searching for the story that would lead me to the attack itself.

There was no exclamation mark. There was no breadcrumb quest. There was simply hitting I and then queuing for a scenario. Yay? Well, of course, I expected the story to be told as we joined the scenario. Surely that would be the least Blizzard would do!

No. Nein. Nope. Nie. Nyet. Fuck you. Non.

When I accepted the queue the game transported me to the docks of Theramore (oddly the only thing still left standing because the Alliance ship paths still go there) where I was simply told "OMG DESTROY SIX BARRELS AND DO IT 5 MINUTES AGO!" so I went and blew up barrels which apparently devastated Theramore's fleet.

I have no idea why I'm even in Theramore. I follow Thrall and Garrosh is a dumbass but somehow I ended up in Garrosh's landing party.

Then I'm told to kill a bunch of Alliance dudes. Ok, sure, whatever, the story is coming right?

Well, no. Not at all. I kill some big Alliance boss and then go save a flirtatious blood elf (you're stuck in an enemy prison and 3 guys come to rescue you. Do you A- thank them and get the hell out quickly B- cook a pasta dinner C- flirt with your rescuers and suggest that instead of untying you they could have their way with you.  If you answered A or B you are wrong and that's not what happens at all.) and then I'm teleported to Orgrimmar even though the whore-elf said Silvermoon City and then I get a cut-scene of a goblin ship flying to Theramore and dropping a nuke on it.  I don't even know what happened later because the cut-scene ends at the explosion.  A flight to Theramore was what I needed to confirm that Theramore was indeed gone, as per the screenshot at the start of this post.

Questions:

1- what the fuck just happened?
2- where is Jaina?
3- why the hell was I laying siege to Theramore?
4- wasn't Garrosh the one absolutely furious in Thousand Needles for some jackass fanatic Orc general dropping a nuke on some druids? "The Horde has honor" or some shit like that, he said. Yeah... what gives now?
5- WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED

WHY WAS I THERE WHAT LED TO THE ATTACK WHY WAS THERE A SIEGE WHO COMMANDED IT WHO ORDERED IT WHO DESIGNED THE NUKE WHY WAS IT USED WHY DID JAINA NOT PICK UP ON WHAT WAS HAPPENING WHY IS GARROSH STILL WARCHIEF WHY WHY WHY

This is by far, unequivocally, the shittiest even in the history of shitty events.

Pandaria delenda est!